


Isn't He Adorable

by mooaces



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Is Basically Kylo's Dad, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, But Please Like This, Cupcakes, F/M, I Also Made Han Evil, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Modern AU, Problem Child AU, Single Dad Ben Solo, Soft Ben Solo, Teacher Rey (Star Wars), Weird Plot Shit, because i'm trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 13:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20026882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooaces/pseuds/mooaces
Summary: Plot inspired by one of my (secret) favorite movies of all time, Problem Child! The one where Ben Solo is a single dad, Kylo his son and Rey just wants to make cupcakes!





	Isn't He Adorable

Kylo Solo was beyond ecstatic when he heard the news. He was looking forward to their impending move to Takodana.

So ecstatic that he cutely waddled over to their large car, trying to help his dad move the last of the boxes as fast as his little feet allowed him to.

He hated Coruscant anyway, especially the people there. They were all stupid.

He hated the pitiful nature of the nuns at the orphanage-how they whispered loudly about how no would ever adopt him because he was a mean spirited child who liked destruction (big deal, amirite), he hated how the other kids there would make fun of him for always wearing a bowtie and he certainly hated the members of the supposedly ‘amazing’ Solo Family, other than his father of course.

The Solos’ were mean people and had been nasty to him as soon as his father brought him home, telling him about how ruined his dad’s chances of ever finding a suitable woman to marry him and how he was just too scruffy and ill-mannered to be part of their family.

You could only ever be born a Solo, they had said.

Kylo usually wouldn’t have given two shits about it, but they were quite insistent on being snobby and rude. So he gave his ‘new family’ a taste of their own bitter medicine.

Kylo had always known he was far more intellectually superior than anyone thought he was and it was for that very reason he was never really caught for all the trouble he caused, only heavily suspected.

Sure, he might have done things like given the family dog (sorry Chewie!) a bar of hand soap to eat, vacuumed up the fish from the fish bowl and put laxatives in the Thanksgiving family dinner but overall he considered it grossly unfair when his father’s family glared at him, waiting for their turns in the bathroom, demanding the man choose between his own blood family or Kylo.

Let’s just say his father made the right choice in the end.

Ben Solo was finally happy, putting away the last of his 32 years’ worth of life in a box ready to be shipped.

He was ready for the move and change of scenery, wanting to start over again with his son.

Thinking of Kylo always made his heart feel extremely warm and happy. The little 7 year tyke was the sunshine of Ben’s life and he knew it.

Adopting a child was something Ben had always wanted to do since a very long time. His own father had never had time for him after his mother’s death, creating a lonely childhood and Ben wanted to make sure that he would give everything to his child and be there for him always.

Meeting Kylo was in itself, a completely by chance situation.

He remembered going to the local church orphanage to see and play with the children as he always did, when he saw a tiny scowling child being told off by a nun in the corner of the courtyard.

Something about the child just clicked with Ben. He knew that the boy was troubled and had problems with authority figures, but seeing how wet his eyes became and how his tiny fingers played with the red bowtie at his front touched Ben entirely.

The little boy captured Ben’s heart without even meaning to.

A few months later, Kylo had been legally adopted by the man. His first impression of the man was quite nice, his warm aura and friendly face putting him at ease already. He went up to Ben and put his arms around the taller man’s knee (apparently his new father was a mountain or whatever), lisping out an adorable “Thanks Mister for choosing me”, making the man coo at his cuteness.

As Ben drove further away from the orphanage, he was pleased to see Kylo turning back and saying his goodbyes to his former home and friends. If Kylo missed them too much, maybe he’d bring him back to play with the other little kids.

What Ben didn’t realise was that Kylo was giving the nuns at the gate a stink eye and firm middle finger as they were driving past. God knows he couldn’t get away from the wretched place any faster.

Ben knew how much his family (read: father) hated the idea of him adopting a child. It wasn’t even a matter of him having a child, but rather of adopting one.

“You’re much too young”, “Who will marry a single dad?” etc. were the common things he heard from his family, as they glared at little innocent Kylo for ruining Ben’s life.

Ben didn’t even know why his family was bothered so much.

Even though his family was extremely rich, Ben considered himself self-made, earning his own livelihood as a software engineer.

His father, Han Solo, meanwhile made his name and business empire selling diet supplements to men and women (and sometimes children) in the country and abroad.

“Fat people are the future.” He always said.

He was ruthless when it came to business and ambition and thrived on expansion of his endeavours.

Han viewed his only son as a disappointment and was quite vocal about it. He disliked Ben’s lack of interest in the family business and thought of him as ‘soft’; believing that on the road to success something that inconsequential didn’t matter at all if you weren’t driven.

So, when he wrote his son out of his will and planned to sell his business to someone else, Ben wasn’t surprised. To his father he had always been a bad investment.

He thought he deserved a new beginning, especially after getting cut off from his father and the rest of relatives after adopting a son. For him, making the decision to choose Kylo had been entirely too easy.

He remembered the day the whole thing blew out of proportion. The Thanksgiving Dinner Disaster, as the incident is now known.

Kylo was being teased mercilessly by Ben’s nieces and nephews due to his lisp and red bow tie, and it made him beyond upset to see his little boy stand by silently as they taunted him. “You’re so strange, not even your own parents loved you.”

When Ben asked him why he didn’t stand up to them, he just hugged his leg, saying he was used to it.

On further prodding, Kylo told Ben all about how he was pushed into different foster homes as a child and how his family members had been extremely mean and cruel to him, his behaviour just being a reflection of their attitude towards him.

Kylo loved his new father and wanted to be with him. His eyes shining with unshed tears, the little 7 year old, asked in a wobbly voice, “Will you leave me too? I’ll be good, I promise, don’t leave me.”

Ben just hugged the little boy closer, comforting him. “I want you to always be yourself, little guy. Remember that I love all of you, always” he cooed.

From that moment on Kylo Solo realized that he finally had a family.

The move to Takodana was nice, with Ben making innumerable lame dad jokes along the way and Kylo just face palming heavily whenever he did so. (For ex: Kylo- Dad, I’m hungry. Ben- Hi Hungry, I’m dad.)

“This is it, buddy.” Ben smiled, ruffling Kylo’s unruly hair as he let them both into their new home.

Ben would be lying if he said there hadn’t been a bit of an ulterior motive when it came to moving to Takodana.

He wanted to settle down and have a family, especially with someone who accepted Kylo as well as him with open arms. He wanted a family of his own.

So as soon as he got Kylo into the elementary school nearby and made him swear not to get into any trouble, he went to the local church and got himself into the singles meet and greet that happened every Friday, hoping the women he’d meet there would be nice and ready for a family.

Kylo meanwhile, started adapting to his new school quite well. It seemed that in Takodana, wearing bow ties were considered cool and nerdy chic.

Phasma, a sulky blonde girl who always wore black and pink, glared at him when she first saw him. “I like your bow tie, you strange boy.” She said, before walking back to her desk, holding her pet teddy bear close, continuing to glare at everyone who passed by.

They became best friends, after that.

Kylo especially liked his new homeroom teacher, Miss Rey. She was really pretty and quite nice. She always complimented Kylo’s bow ties and art work, and gave the class homemade cupcakes whenever they did well. She never let anyone make fun of Kylo’s lisp either-calling it unique and adorable.

He knew his dad had been searching for a mommy for him, and if he had any choice, he would make sure he’d find a pretty woman who made nice cupcakes like Miss Rey for his daddy. Not one of those trampy women in the church singles meet.

The women Ben had been going out with didn’t appeal much to Kylo, their revealing tight dresses and garish makeup scaring him. He didn’t like it when they pinched his cheeks either. I mean come on, what was he, six years old?

Every time they’d coo about how cute he was, the darker his thoughts would get. No way in heck would he let such trampy women take advantage of his father.

It had been quite easy to take care of them, though.

The first was his best prank ever. Ben had been busy putting his tie on, so Kylo had to go and answer the door.

“Hey cutie. Is your daddy home?” the woman simpered down at him when answered.

She was so pathetic and obvious, Kylo thought as he let the woman into the foyer.

“Are you one of daddy’s friends?” he said, managing to look extra cute as he asked her.

“Yes sweetie, I am. My name’s Bazine. Your daddy and I are special friends” she smiled, looking around the house to see whether Ben was as rich as he was handsome.

“Oh okay, you can go up ahead then.” He said, pointing towards the staircase and Ben’s bedroom.

Obviously flustered, Bazine just shook her head, insisting to wait near the door.

“But all of daddy’s special friends go up into the bedroom when they come” he said pouting.

The carefully made up woman glared unknowingly. How many women was Ben Solo currently seeing anyway? Maybe this little brat of a boy would let her know.

“Kylo, you little angel bunny, how many friends does your daddy have?” she asked, her eyes narrowing as the boy scratched his tummy, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Daddy’s friends come over at least thrice a week. They always take money afterwards, when they leave. Daddy’s super nice that way. He likes being generous.” He smiled sweetly; this ugly woman wouldn’t know what hit her.

Bazine gasped in outrage as she realized what the little boy was saying. Ben Solo liked prostitutes?! It was shocking to say the least, wait until the rest of the ladies at the church heard about this. He would get blacklisted, for sure.

Her heart tugged a bit when she realized how innocent poor little Kylo was. How could Ben do such unspeakable things when his son was around? It was heart breaking.

She heard Ben’s footsteps coming down the stairs just then.

“Daddy” the little boy screamed out in joy, “Your friend is here. I opened the door myself.”

Smiling at the proud expression on his son’s face, Ben ruffled his hair. “You know you’re supposed to wait for me to do that right, kiddo?” he rebuked softly. But since Kylo looked so proud of himself, he was forgiven.

He finally took notice of Bazine standing near the doorway and smiled at her. She was one of the hotter single women at the church, and he was quite lucky to get a date with her.

“Hey Baz, you ready to go?” he said checking if he had everything ready, not noticing the stormy expression on the other’s face as she walked closer to him.

Before he knew what was happening, Bazine slapped him across the face. “I will not be one of your whores, Ben Solo.” The woman glared as she stomped out of his house, not looking back to see the completely stupefied expression on Ben’s face.

“Daddy, where did the nice lady go?” Kylo said innocently, frowning at the open door. How dare that woman slap his father anyway? What a loser.

Shaking his head, Ben strode forward to shut it before kneeling down to pick up Kylo.

“I don’t know kiddo. Maybe she had errands to run or something. Let’s order some pizza for dinner alright?”

Kylo smiled evilly as his dad went to call the pizza place. This was going to be all too easy.

The other one had been easier to get rid of, all Kylo had to do was pretend that he had fallen sick suddenly making Ben cancel the date immediately.

“Sorry Kira. I really wish I could make it, but Kylo’s feeling quite under the weather. I promise to make it up to you.” He had said on the phone, pacing up and down in his son’s bedroom, making the call.

Kylo’s eyes narrowed as he thought about this Kira woman. He had thought she had been nice enough, until last Sunday after the morning service, she gave Kylo a hemp flavored lollipop. “It’s organic and healthy.”

Who even thinks giving hemp flavored candy to children is a good idea? She had been on Kylo’s hit list since then. He could not let his father be hitched to a hemp loving hippie.

“Dad, can you make me some soup please?” Kylo implored, doing the puppy eyed expression he knew Ben was weak against.

“Sure kiddo”, he said before heading out to the kitchen. After all, what ky-ky wants, ky-ky gets.

Kylo’s little hands scooped up Ben’s phone that was lying on his bedside table. His dad was far too trusting, not even bothering to put a lock code on his phone.

He looked through Ben’s contacts before spotting Kira’s name.

He sent a text message to her saying, “Hey babe. Got out of today’s date. I’m coming over in 10 okay? Get ready for sexy times.”

For good measure, he added a winky face and that purple vegetable emoji as Phasma had instructed before he sent it. Hemp lady wouldn’t know what hit her.

He deleted it from the message folder before placing it back on the table.

Needless to say, Ben had been extremely confused when Kira started to ignore him after that night. She must have really offended by him cancelling, he supposed.

Takodana, it seemed, had been a dead end in terms of dating, Ben sighed. Hopefully it would get better.

It in fact, did not get better but only worse because the very next day, without giving any notice whatsoever, Han Solo stood smiling at Ben and Kylo at their doorstep.

“Give your old man a hug and get the bags in” he said, patting Ben’s back before entering the house.

On spotting Kylo, he gave him the once over. “Hey you little brat. Aren’t you going to greet your grandpa?”

Kylo still baffled by the sudden events, stood by shocked. Han muttered something about a ‘rude little turd’ before patting Kylo’s head condescendingly.

“Help your father get my bags in” he said, falling on to the living room couch and stretching.

Seeing the number of bags on their doorstep, Kylo’s eyes widened even more. How long was the old geezer planning on staying here?

“Uh Father, not to be disrespectful, but what are you doing here?” Ben said politely, sitting opposite his father after getting all of his father’s bags inside.

“Ah Ben. It’s very sad, it’s a tragedy- but my business failed. Turns out I made some bad investment decisions and it all sort of blew up in my face. And then wife no. 3 decided to leave me. So, I got no house either.”

“Plus I wanted to spend time with my adorable grandson. Maybe even find you a rich wife, huh?” Han smirked inwardly; the only thing he would do now was try and get his son a sugar mama type situation.

After all, it was about time his wasted sperm gave him back some just rewards.

Ben knew his father pretty well to know his intentions, but if he was willing to be a grandfather to Kylo, who was he to object?

“Sure Dad. I’m letting you know that you have to share a room with Kylo, by the way. The guest bedroom had severe water damage.”

“Sure whatever, I’ll stay with the little stinker.” The old man shrugged, before ordering Kylo to go get him a glass of water.

Kylo was quite honestly done with his grandpa’s shit. After all the effort he put into getting away from the old dweeb, he had managed to sneak his way all the way to their new home. Why was Ben being so nice to him anyway? Kylo sent a mental glare towards the man when he heard about his new roommate. That old man better not mess with his toys.

Han adjusted rather quickly to the way things ran in Ben’s house, always being quite open with his opinions about methods of improving the home and his life.

“You’re looking for a woman, eh?” Han’s eyes shone as he heard about his son’s comically bad attempts to court women.

“I’ll find a good woman for you. A rich one who could take care both of us. I mean all three of us.” He smirked, maybe his dream of conquering the diet pill business of the entire North American continent could still be salvaged.

“Sure dad, go ahead. Whatever.” Ben had pretty much given up the idea of having a woman in his life. What harm could his father possibly do anyway?

Kylo glared from behind the door, where he was listening in on the conversation between his grandfather and father.

That stinky old man knew absolutely nothing about Ben’s ideal woman; he’ll probably bring home a blow up doll or something. This situation was dire as far as the little boy was concerned.

Kylo really tried to bond with the old geezer. He did. But his presence was honestly stifling him more than he could handle.

He couldn’t even sleep properly because Han snored very loudly in his sleep, along with the occasional sleep farting.

So when he ended up napping in his class for the nth time, Miss Rey grew extremely concerned by the darkish circles under the boy’s eyes. What on earth was happening to him at home?

She was worried about the boy. He no longer gave witty answers to Phasma when they argued about the merits of red bow ties over pink ones, choosing to sleep whenever possible. So she did what any responsible home room teacher would do and called Kylo’s father up.

Ben had been nervous about getting called in to meet Kylo’s teacher. He had hoped it had not been due to Kylo’s naughty misdeeds but something else entirely. He had faced way too many meetings about those.

Kylo’s head perked up once he saw Ben outside his empty classroom door. Running as fast as he could, he pushed the door open, pulling Ben inside with his tiny hand.

“Dad, you came! Miss Rey is my favoritest teacher. She gives me cupcakes.” He bounced up and down excitedly, wanting his father to get acquainted with his other most favorite person.

Right about then, Rey walked in holding two cups of tea, smiling wide as she saw Ben.

“Oh you’re here already, Mr. Solo? Please have a cup of tea.” She pushed a cup towards him, before sitting down at her desk.

Ben blushed as he took in the gorgeous woman in front of him, wearing a strawberry patterned cardigan and sundress.

(For all thoughts and purposes, let’s assume Rey dresses like Jessica Day of New Girl.)

She was so pretty, Ben gushed inwardly, taking in the woman who was having a similar reaction meeting him.

Rey was pretty great at keeping up a poker face, but inside her heart was doing somersaults as she thanked god for finally giving her a cute single dad with an adorable son.

Kylo, meanwhile just smirked. Hopefully his father had enough game to charm Miss Rey so that they could be a happy family who eats cupcakes together.

“So Mr. Solo. Has Kylo’s home life changed in any way recently?” Rey asked seriously. Well, she tried to look serious, but to Ben she looked plain perfect.

Rey had gotten her teacher face on, because no matter how good looking and built the hottie sitting opposite her was, student welfare always came first.

“Call me Ben please and uh, not really. My dad moved in, but that’s about it. Why, what’s the matter?” Ben shifted in his seat, rather confused.

How can a person look that cute while furrowing their eyebrows, Rey thought. The world was not fair, not one bit.

“Kylo’s been sleeping a lot in classes nowadays, which is totally unlike him. He doesn’t even go outside to play with his classmates, choosing to rather nap inside. It’s quite strange.”

“He’s been sleeping in classes? But he’s so hyper and active all the time.” Ben exclaimed, beyond confused, before turning towards Kylo.

“Kiddo, why are you sleeping in class so much? Why didn’t you tell me?” Ben looked upset when he turned to see his son and Kylo felt bad about it. He didn’t want it to seem that he kept secrets from his father.

“Grandpa snores a lot, daddy. I can’t sleep” he pouted. He didn’t want to be a tattletale after all. He was a big boy and could handle his own problems.

“Ky, you know you can tell me anything right. Dad will take care of it.” Ben smiled, ruffling his hair.

“Well if that’s it then, you can leave I guess.” Rey smiled, getting up and smoothing out the front of her dress. Thank god, it was a trivial matter and not something serious.

Kylo stopped her from leaving though. “Dad’s going to buy me ice cream now, Miss Rey. Will you please come join us?”

Rey laughed uncomfortably, glancing over at Ben for help. He was none. “Yes, please join us.”

So, that’s how Ben and Rey had their first official date, according to Kylo at least.

He was pleased they both got along so well, and was absolutely ecstatic when Ben kissed a shy Rey on the cheek as he dropped her off with a quiet “Let’s do this again sometime.”

She nodded before hugging Kylo goodbye and leaving. If Kylo wasn’t sure before, he was sure now. Miss Rey and his dad belonged together.

They were going to be a family. No Matter What.

Ben had bought pizza for Kylo so as to make up for the lack of attention he had paying him, and thus both were in a very good mood when they came home late that night.

Han had been waiting expectantly when they got home, tapping his feet with impatience.

“Son, you will not believe what happened!” he exclaimed excitedly, shoving his grandson away as soon as they entered the threshold.

“What happened?” Ben was quite uninterested in what his father had to say, still thinking about how totally perfect Rey was.

“I got you a date, son. With the hottest piece of ass in town.” Han was extremely proud he managed to score such a big fish for his incompetent son, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud however.

Kylo snorted from the side at this. His grandpa’s definition of a good looking woman was probably his right hand with lipstick on it.

But of course, he wasn’t going to say it out loud.

So he settled by pulling the hem of Ben’s shirt, widening his eyes cutely and using his lisp to his advantage. “What date is grandpa talking about, daddy?”

Ben didn’t want to confuse Kylo about how many people he was seeing. “Date? Dad, I don’t need a date. I think I found someone I really like.”

“Don’t be stupid son. Think about your family, about me. Kaydel is blonde, beautiful and rich. A complete catch. Give her a chance at least.”

Ben knew his father would never let him hear the end of this if he didn’t listen to him, so he decided to go on the date.

Who knows, maybe she was a really nice lady or they could be friends? Ben forgot about the matter soon enough, his eyes glazing over thinking about Rey’s smile.

Kylo was beyond irritated about the fact that he had to now get rid of this Kaydel woman too. There were way too many casualties.

But first, he needed to teach his grandpa a lesson. Smiling evilly, he slid down to fulfill his plan for <strike>world domination</strike>. Sorry, plan to take grandpa down.

Kaydel, meanwhile, turned out to be exactly what Kylo imagined her to be. A woman who loved The Chainsmokers (their music, is like, transcendent), high buns and Gucci.

She was almost 11 years older than Ben, divorced three times and through them had hoarded up quite the fortune.

Her damsel in distress demeanor was quite unappealing, with her clawing at Ben during their first meeting itself.

“You are a very attractive man, Ben Solo.” Her breath smelt a lot like cigarettes, but Ben couldn’t bring himself to push her away from him. He was just way too nice.

She even had the audacity to pull at Kylo’s cheeks with her red talons when she first met him, cooing and smiling at him as if he was a 2 year old.

But, what really made her a formidable enemy to the little boy was when she gave him a hug and whispered into his ear.

“Listen, you little stinker. Your grandpa told me all about the little poop you are. Just remember kid, I will be your new mommy. When that does happen, you’ll be sent to boarding school far far FAR away. Alright?”

She then petted his condescendingly, before exchanging a brief nod with Han, pulling at Ben’s arm and trilling at him.

It was obvious she wanted Ben as her arm candy, as she paraded him left and right about town as her boyfriend.

She had become a sort of sugar mama to the man, paying whenever they went out and going as far to redecorate his house- claiming that a woman’s touch was needed around the place.

Ben had no idea what the hell was going on all this time. He didn’t even like Kaydel, he liked Rey. Really, really liked her.

So how did he end up in the situation of picking wedding dresses with the woman two weeks after meeting her, he would never know.

“Bennnyyy, I need you to focus. We’ll have a shotgun wedding and I’ll move in with you, okay? It’ll be so romantic.” She gushed, as she looked at a parade of white dresses being presented to her.

He had no idea what the hell was even happening any more.

Meanwhile, Kylo’s plan to get rid of his grandfather was almost complete. The old geezer was about to flip any day now.

First he started off with small evil doings. For example, Han always demanded Kylo serve him lemonade every morning. So Kylo did. Like the good little boy he was.

Not really though.

Instead, he started mixing in extra health (aka vitamin pee) in his grandfather’s daily glass of lemonade as a sort of revenge instead.

He doubted he would ever forget Han’s face after he had the first sip. He had smacked his lips and smiled at the boy. “Tangy!” He never knew why his grandson rolled around the floor for a whole 10 minutes afterwards just laughing.

It was the start to a beautiful series of events.

He then did the usual bratty things he was known for. Putting laxatives in his grandpa’s food (classic), putting his finger in warm water while he was sleeping, basically he did everything he could to make the man’s life hell.

“Dad, I think your age is catching up to you. We might need to get you some diapers.” Ben frowned, seeing the wet puddle on his father’s bed for the nth time.

Han just stuttered helplessly, flailing his arms. It was all that little shit’s fault, he knew it.

Kylo smiled creepily from the doorway. Mission Annihilate Grandpa was going smoothly.

He was doing well on the whole Kaydel mission too, mostly thanks to Phas.

Phasma had come over and dazzled the older lady by speaking cutely and getting in her good graces, becoming a sort of unofficial little sister to the woman.

She even somehow convinced the woman to take her shopping for something Gucci, distracting her enough to allow Kylo to put itching powder in her chosen wedding dress, among other things.

Meanwhile, Ben had become increasingly disillusioned with the whole thing. He had no idea how tell Kaydel he did not want to marry her; she was so delicate and easy to upset.

Kylo was clear and extremely outspoken about his dislike for the woman, totally not helping the situation by throwing around sentences like ‘Miss Rey asked me to give you a cupcake’ and drawing pictures of the three of them as a family in his art class.

But hot damn, she made good cupcakes. And he missed her so much.

She knew about the whole debacle he was in but wasn’t very sympathetic towards his plight.

“Ben, you’re hot. Like very hot. I’m imagining you shirtless right now, at this very moment. But you’re also very gullible.” She had said, patting his arm after one of their dates. (Don’t worry, Kylo was there too.)

“Stand up for yourself and end it with her. Be a man.”

It had hurt when she smacked him in the chest to prove her point, but he didn’t let the pain show. He was a man after all.

So that night determined to break up with Kaydel the very next day, Ben stormed into his house with his son confidently, a changed confident man.

He needed to tell his father to stop trying to run his life, and he needed to do it while he still had the courage to.

Only he was shocked by what he saw as soon as he entered the threshold.

Covering Kylo’s innocent eyes with a hand, he screamed at the two very disheveled looking people on his living room couch.

“Can you both cover up, for god’s sake. There’s a child here.” Ben never really got angry; unless is son’s innocence was concerned.

He had a coffee mug that said he was ‘World’s Best Dad’ for a reason goddammit.

Han and Kaydel rushed to put on the rest of their scattered clothes hurriedly, avoiding the glare of the man and his mini human standing before them.

“Ben” Kaydel’s eyes watered as she ran over to him, as if she wasn’t just going at it with his father 2 minutes ago.

“He made me, Ben. He made me.” She said tearfully, shooting a glare at the man behind her as if to make him agree to this fact.

“No way in hell, son. She wanted the D.” Han smirked, zipping up the front of his trousers and spanking the butt of his son’s trampy woman friend.

Kaydel’s jaw dropped open, apologizing to Ben over and over again as he tried to assess what the hell had just happened in his house.

His fake girlfriend, whom he was getting forced married to, just slept with his father, who had told him to get together with said fake girlfriend in the first place.

What the fuck?

He had no idea what to do, so when he felt Kylo pulling at his trouser leg he was a bit confused.

He looked down at the little boy, only to see him smiling.

“K.O, daddy.” He whispered, before turning his head away, making Ben break out of his little thought bubble.

His little boy was a genius. Sometimes creepy, but a genius nevertheless.

“Kaydel, you literally just boned my dad. On my favorite couch. It’s over.” He said, picking Kylo up and getting him ready for bed. The poor kid was going to have to sleep in his room, clearly deathly afraid about the sight he had just seen.

Ben paused midway, thinking something over. “But, if father and you like each other, why don’t you guys get married? The wedding’s paid for, anyway.”

As the shocked woman saw him traipse up the stairs, she thought it over.

Han was handsome enough for his age, and his diet pills business was an excellent investment opportunity. Why the hell, not.

She turned around, batting her eyes at the man. Han smirked, knowing what she was trying to do.

“Let’s get married, Kay.” He squared his shoulders. “I need to get out of this shit hole of a house and you need a husband. Why not?”

She threw herself in his arms, kissing him frantically. This was perfect.

“So, you want to go and have sex in the little shit’s bedroom?” He said, his eyebrows rising up hopefully.

Seeing her eyes light up with maniacal glint, he knew he made the right choice in choosing this woman.

It was a couple of weeks later, when the actual wedding happened.

Rey came as Ben’s date with Kylo in tow, while Phasma became the flower girl for the bride.

It was a beautiful wedding at the local church, with almost everyone from town in attendance.

Kylo had been looking forward to this day for long. Han had moved out soon after the ‘incident’ and he finally got his life back.

Rey and Ben had been happily dating for a while now, and if the number of nights she spent over were any indication, things were going very well for both of them now.

Kylo was interrupted by his thoughts as he saw Kaydel make her way down the aisle, looking demure and hideous as she walked past him.

They were enemies now, with her giving him a subtle glare as she passed by.

Kylo made sure his face was adorable and clueless the whole time, lest he was suspected about anything untoward.

The ceremony itself was boring for the little boy, who was lost inside the evil doings of his mind, not noticing the way the bride kept scratching her arms every now and then, an expression of discomfort etched on her face.

It was during the exchanging of vows, when Kylo finally lost it. She ripped off her veil, and decided to scratch herself hard. Everything was so itchy.

Han looked slightly stunned as his new bride started scratching herself in front of the priest, telling him to ‘hold-the-fuck-up’ as she stuck her hand down her chest, clawing at her skin.

Kylo had totally forgotten about the itching powder he had put in her dress. He could see Phasma glaring at him as Kaydel’s scratching got rowdier, as if blaming him for the mess.

To avoid suspicion, he tried to slide out of the church quietly, only to stop midway when he heard Kaydel’s outraged growl and pointing finger.

“The little shit did this.” She screamed, pushing Han off of her and running behind the brat.

Kylo looked back to see his father telling him to hide inside their car, and raced away from the crazed bride as fast as his little legs allowed him to.

“Life was never better” he sighed, avoiding the flower bouquet being tossed at this head.

THE END.

Also this is the gif that inspired little Kylo:

**Author's Note:**

> So I know it's a little long and some bits are more than a little unnecessary to the plot. 
> 
> But I'm on the Reylo bandwagon now and no one is safe from my Reylo thought vomit! 
> 
> Also, did I accidentally add metaphoric subtext by making Kylo Ben's son? 
> 
> I hope somebody laughed/snorted with amusement while reading. 
> 
> Cheerios!


End file.
